yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
