I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
