I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
