maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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