i don't plan on having that self control this summer
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
