Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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