if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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