Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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