can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
