Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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