Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
