Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
