I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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