While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
