This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
