You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
