I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
