To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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