Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
