Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
