And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drake has all the answers
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
