im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
