I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
