I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
