I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i out mim tonsoeep
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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