i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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