I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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