God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
