You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
