Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
