There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
