So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
