stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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