she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
