Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
