sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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