Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
either way he was missing a nipple.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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