I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
