not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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