woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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