I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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