I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am available for nakedness
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
