She said her name was "party"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
