yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
