it wasn't lemon gatorade
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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