That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
