Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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