I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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