I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
