apparently the secret to your success is patron
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
