Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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