Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
