whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
