This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize