either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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