I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
