I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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