I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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