what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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