Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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