dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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