I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Someone came in the potted fern
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
