I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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