im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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