broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What drink are we having for lunch?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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