All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
