remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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